I think the title says it all. First off – I am a Doctor Who guy but there’s 50 years worth of those and that might take too long to Half Ass. Second off, I am Trek and my whole life I have wanted to be Spock. Third – this movie was, ahem, SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO boring…. frown face : (

TWO was WICKED AWESOME!! Ricardo Montalban O How I Miss Thee.  Did I spell your last name right? I don’t know, but I have a bunch of words to type up so I can’t go look.  I used this before but this is how it goes with this movie: iamnotgoingtocry, iamnotgoingtocry, iamnotgoingtocry, iamnotgoingtocry, well shit. Spock just died. : (

Not the best of the series but not turrible. A direct sequel from TWO and the Genesis Planet is in effect! Spock may or may not be back among The Living and Saavik is no longer a super hot, young Kirstie Alley but Christopher Lloyd is a Klingon and what more could you want. I have been and always will be, your friend.

The One With The Whales. I loved it and have no problems with this, ever. The Crew “slingshot around the sun” and go back to the 80s and save everything!! YAY!! Go Kirk!! And Spock!! This has an “H.A.R.” classic moment when Scotty needs to use the computer and has to type (instead of talk). “How quaint,” he remarks and wreaks some havoc on that keyboard.

This one – “The Search For God” – was really, really, really not very good, IMO. If I remember correctly, this one not only had Spock’s brother commandeering the new Enterprise and taking it to the end of the universe but also had Uhura seducing a bunch of nomads out in the desert singing and provocative-dancing when she was 60-something years old. I will always ❤ Nichelle Nichols but this thing was ridiculous. P.S. Spock’s brother’s name? Sybok. Directed by Willy Shatner.

This was a return to Good Things (and not directed by The Shat). Kirk and Crew are accused of crimes they didn’t commit!! They go to jail and break out and have fist fights and Sulu saves the day and this movie was pretty damn good. I know you just watched this and saw Christian Slater and Kim Cattrall – what? Snap! (Also starring Red from That 70s Show). 

Personally, I thought this was pretty lame BUT it did have “The Death of Catain Kirk” which did get me moisty eyed. If I think about it for one second, this was actually a pretty smart way to integrate the two series but, it wasn’t fantastic. I have never really cared for Malcolm McDowell, so I think he ruined things. I have been and always will be, your friend Jean-Luc Picard.

First Contact really kicked some serious ass!! “GET OFF MY BRIDGE!!!” Screams Jean-Luc to Worf. You probably have to be familiar with the subject matter to full enjoy this but it’s US v. THE BORG and IT’S on!! This always reminds me of a line from CAKE’s “Comfort Eagle”: “Resistance is useless / It is useless…. to resist us” when they are commenting on corporate greed and such. First Contact was pretty good for a franchise that needed something. Something, something, something. There was no hope. Or did things get better? 

Things got a little regressive here with this entry. Here’s the log line: “When the crew of the Enterprise learn of a Federation plot against the inhabitants of a unique planet, Captain Picard begins an open rebellion.” This was pretty lame, I tell you. And it had F. Murray Abraham in it, I write as I break the 4th wall and grimace into the camera lens with my neutral face: 😐 Not a lot to go with here and it had a lot of comedy. Not my fave Trek. In fact, one of my least faves.

This one wasn’t too bad and it had Tom Hardy as the bad guy 10 years before he was BANE. I actually thought this was the end of Trek because everyone had run out of ideas and it was just the same thing over and over and over and over. The TV shows Deep Space Nine, Voyager and Enterprise had, basically, failed to do anything for the franchise and we Treks were left to do arguments like “Oh YEAH?? Well Jar Jar Binks SUCKS IT!!!” and “What?? You really like Hayden Christensen??? LOL in your stupid face. Talk to the hand.” That all changed when:

J.J. Abrams and his wicked brain and big pockets and big wallets made this. This movie is FANTASTIC. I would be very surprised to meet people who AREN’T trolls living under a bridge who didn’t like this “Trek or not”. Take all of the Trek-ness out of this and this is still a really good movie. There’s action and drama and comedy and good directing and F/X and everything that makes a summer blockbuster a lot of fun. Being a Trek and wanting to be Spock and admittedly getting very sad when Spock died, when they put in the whole “shirt tugging” thing in I got a little misty eyed. GREAT JOB PEOPLE and can’t even wait for the sequel.


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